TACT

TACT

“Quality of Life Series”

8/3/04

LEADER: “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”

TRUE OR FALSE?

Ever had your feelings hurt?

Ever been responsible for hurting some else’s feelings?

LEADER: “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24

LEADER: “The Power of Words”

http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/cb011/page1.html EXCERPTS

The Bible teaches that a kind word can uplift, nourish, and mend a broken heart. A well-considered word can help to restore confidence, hope, and purpose to a friend or spouse who feels dejected, lost, and confused.

LEADER: Consider the source:

HAVE SOMEONE READ: “David Simmons”

Charles Sell, Unfinished Business, Multnomah, 1989, p. 171ff.

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

In his men's seminar, David Simmons, a former cornerback for the Dallas Cowboys, tells about his childhood home. His father, a military man, was extremely demanding, rarely saying a kind word, always pushing him with harsh criticism to do better. The father had decided that he would never permit his son to feel any satisfaction from his accomplishments, reminding him there were always new goals ahead. When Dave was a little boy, his dad gave him a bicycle, unassembled, with the command that he put it together. After Dave struggled to the point of tears with the difficult instructions and many parts, his father said, "I knew you couldn't do it." Then he assembled it for him. When Dave played football in high school, his father was unrelenting in his criticisms. In the backyard of his home, after every game, his dad would go over every play and point out Dave's errors. "Most boys got butterflies in the stomach before the game; I got them afterwards. Facing my father was more stressful than facing any opposing team." By the time he entered college, Dave hated his father and his harsh discipline. He chose to play football at the University of Georgia because its campus was further from home than any school that offered him a scholarship. After college, he became the second round draft pick of the St. Louis cardinal's professional football club. Joe Namath (who later signed with the New York Jets), was the club's first round pick that year. "Excited, "I telephoned my father to tell him the good news. He said, 'How does it feel to be second?'" Despite the hateful feelings he had for his father, Dave began to build a bridge to his dad. Christ had come into his life during college years, and it was God's love that made him turn to his father.

During visits home he stimulated conversation with him and listened with interest to what his father had to say. He learned for the first time what his grandfather had been like--a tough lumberjack known for his quick temper. Once he destroyed a pickup truck with a sledgehammer because it wouldn't start, and he often beat his son. This new awareness affected Dave dramatically. "Knowing about my father's upbringing not only made me more sympathetic for him, but it helped me see that, under the circumstances, he might have done much worse. By the time he died, I can honestly say we were friends."

HAVE SOMEONE READ: Proverbs 12:18

There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: Colossians 3:8

But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from you mouth.

LEADER: Many of us still have stigmas from our early programming.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: “Negative Programming”

Shad Helmstetter in Homemade, January 1987.

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

As much as 77% of everything we think can be negative and counterproductive and works against us. People who grow up in an average household hear "No" or are told what they can't do more than 148,000 times by the time they reach age 18. Result: Unintentional negative programming.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: “Comments Survey”

Institute of Family Relations, in Homemade, Vol. 10, No. 12, December. 1986.

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

A survey asked mothers to keep track of how many times they made negative, compared with positive, comments to their children. They admitted that they criticized ten times for every time they said something favorable. A three-year survey in one city's schools found that the teachers were 75% negative. The study indicated that it takes four positive statements from a teacher to offset the effects of one negative statement to a child.

LEADER: “Let the Words of My Mouth be Acceptable”

http://www.cfdevotionals.org/devpg98/de981002.htm EXCEPRT

Every word spoken touches a life, for good or for bad, every word counts. Verbal abuse is sometimes worse than physical abuse. Words have the ability to cut to the soul.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #1

http://www.wisdomquotes.com/cat_tact.html

“One of the basic causes for all the trouble in the world today is that people talk too much and think too little. They act impulsively without thinking. I always try to think before I talk.”

Margaret Chase Smith 1897-1995

1^st woman elected to both House of Representatives and Senate

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE # 2

http://www.quoteworld.org/browse.php?thetext=critic,praise

"It is not the critic that counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or the doer of deeds could have them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the Arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but he who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great devotion; who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails while daring greatly, knows that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls, who know neither victory nor defeat."
Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919), 26th US President, Republican

LEADER: “The Problem With Critics” EXCERPT

http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb-09-18-98.shtml

Where do you see yourself in this picture? Are you being pelted by unfair criticism as you are serving Christ? If so, keep on going and God will reward your efforts. Or do you recognize yourself as one who tends to be critical of others? If so, it's time to quit the demolition team and join the construction crew. (HWR)

I would not criticize the one who works,
The one who listens to God's Word and heeds;
But I would criticize myself, dear Lord,
Confess to you my faithless words and deeds. (Hess)

Any spectator can criticize the players; it takes skill and dedication to play the game.

LEADER: Let’s look at the one who criticizes:

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #3

http://www.quotationspage.com/subjects/criticism/

“It is much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. “

Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881), Great Britain Prime Minister

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #4

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart.”

Helen Rowland 1875-1950, American Journalist

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #5

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“If you burn your neighbor’s house down, it doesn't make your house look any better.”

Lou Holtz 1937-, American Football Coach

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #6

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

“You can't hold a man down without staying down with him. “

Booker T. Washington 1856-1915 Slave to Educator

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #7

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

Brilliant people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people.

Source Unknown

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #8

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“Blame is safer than praise.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803-1882, American Poet

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #9

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“A sneer is the weapon of the weak.”

James Russell Lowell 1819-1891, American Poet, Critic, Editor

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #10

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“In judging others, folks will work overtime for no pay.”

Charles Edwin Carruthers, Author

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #11

http://www.quoteworld.org/browse.php?thetext=critic,praise

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do."
Benjamin Franklin (1706-90)

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #12

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

Don't write or say anything that you won't sign your name to. If you receive a negative, anonymous note, ignore it! If they're not willing to sign their name, it's not worth reading don't take heed to it. Like the pastor who received an anonymous note with nothing but the word "FOOL!" written on it. The next morning he got in church and said, "I've gotten many notes without signatures before but this is the first time I got one where someone forgot to write the note and just signed his name!"

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #13

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“Having a sharp tongue will cut your throat”

Source Unkown

HAVE SOMEONE READ: “3 Questions”

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

The warning of Leviticus 19:17, "...thou shalt surely rebuke thy neighbor, and not allow sin upon him," is preceded by warnings against spreading slander and nursing inner hatred You can easily determine, therefore, when you should criticize and when you shouldn't by asking yourself these three questions: (1) Am I motivated by an earnest desire for the welfare of the person I think needs correcting? (2) Am I going to face him honestly, but gently? (3) Do I find the task thoroughly disagreeable, or am I secretly getting some pleasure out of it?

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #14

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“Criticism of others is futile and if you indulge in it often you should be warned that it can be fatal to your career.”

Dale Carnegie1888-1955, American Author, Trainer

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #15

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“No man ever got very high by pulling other people down. The intelligent merchant does not knock his competitors. The sensible worker does not work those who work with him. Don't knock your friends. Don't knock your enemies. Don't knock yourself.”

Lord Alfred Tennyson 1809-1892, British Poet

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #16

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“The best criticism doesn't trap an employee or child in a dead end. It gives them an escape route.”

Source Unknown

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #17

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“One ought to examine himself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others.”

Molière 1622-1673, French Playwright

HAVE SOMEONE READ: Luke 6:41-42

Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye; but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, “Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye”, when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #18

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

Before we are too harsh in judging those scribes and Pharisees of Jesus' day, let's stop and look at ourselves. All too many Christians today go to church to find fault, to gossip, and to criticize. Warren Wiersbe, in his book Angry People, wrote, "An incident in the life of Joseph Parker, the great British preacher, illustrates this tragic truth. He was preaching at the City Temple in London. After the service one of the listeners came up to him and said, 'Dr. Parker, you made a grammatical error in your sermon.' He then proceeded to point out the error to the pastor. Joseph Parker looked at the man and said, 'And what else did you get out of the message?' What a fitting rebuke!

W. Wiersbe Well known international Bible conference leader

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #19

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.”

Chinese Proverb

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #20

http://www.wisdomquotes.com/cat_criticism.html

“If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them.”

Mahandas K. Gandhi 1869-1948 Peacemaker of India

HAVE SOMEONE READ: James 1:19

my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger

LEADER: What about when you’re criticized by the fool?

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #21

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“I have found it advisable not to give too much heed to what people say when I am trying to accomplish something of consequence. Invariably they proclaim it can't be done. I deem that the very best time to make the effort.”

Calvin Coolidge 1872-1933, Thirtieth President of the USA

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #22

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

‘If I care to listen to every criticism, let alone act on them, then this shop may as well be closed for all other businesses. I have learned to do my best, and if the end result is good then I do not care for any criticism, but if the end result is not good, then even the praise of ten angels would not make the difference.’

Abraham Lincoln 1809-1865, Sixteenth President of the USA

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #23

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

“Let the man who says it cannot be done not disturb the man doing it.”

Chinese Proverb

LEADER: How do you receive honest, well-intentioned criticism given in love?

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #24

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“As much as we thirst for approval we dread condemnation.”

Hans Selye 1907-1982, Canadian Physician, Stress Researcher

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #25

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“Honest criticism is hard to take, especially from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.”

Franklin P. Jones 1817-1929 Author

HAVE SOMEONE READ: “If There is Truth”

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

Criticism is always difficult to accept, but if we receive it with humility and a desire to improve our character it can be very helpful. Only a fool does not profit when he is rebuked for his mistakes.

Several years ago I read a helpful article on this subject. It stated that when we are criticized we ought to ask ourselves whether the criticism contains any truth. If it does, we should learn from it, even when it is not given with the right motivation and in the right spirit. The article then offered these four suggestions: (1) Commit the matter instantly to God, asking Him to remove all resentment or counter-criticism on your part and teach you the needed lessons. (2) Remember that we are all great sinners and that the one who has criticized us does not begin to know the worst about us. (3) If you have made a mistake or committed a sin, humbly and frankly confess it to God and to anyone you may have injured. (4) Be willing to learn afresh that you are not infallible and that you need God's grace and wisdom every moment of the day to keep on the straight path.

When we are criticized, let's accept what is true and act upon it, thereby becoming a stronger person. He who profits from rebuke is wise. (H.G.B.)

HAVE SOMEONE READ: “Why You Shouldn’t Be Defensive”

Dr. Anderson, Freedom in Christ and Harvest House Publishers www.ficm.org

http://www.sermonillustrator.org/illustrator/sermon3b/why_you_shouldnt_be_defensive.htm

While being reviled, He [Jesus] did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously (1 Peter 2:23).
There are two reasons why you should not be defensive when there is a critical, negative evaluation of you.
First, if you are in the wrong, you don't have a defense. If you are criticized for saying something which is out of order or doing something which is wrong, and the criticism is valid, any defensiveness on your part would be a rationalization at best and a lie at worst. You must simply respond, "You're right; I was wrong," then take steps to improve your character and behavior.
Second, if you are right, you don't need a defense. Peter encouraged us to follow in the footsteps of Jesus who "while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously" (1 Peter 2:23). If you are in the right, you don't need to defend yourself. The Righteous Judge, who knows who you are and what you have done, will exonerate you.
A dear lady entered my office with a well-thought-out list of "things for me" and "things against me." I suggested that she share the "things for me" first. That didn't take long! As she was going through the "things against me," the part of me that is made of earth wanted to respond to every allegation. But I didn't. When she was finished, there was an awkward pause before I said, "It must have taken a lot of courage to come in and share that with me. What do you suggest I do?" She started to cry.
Nobody tears another down from a position of strength or judges another without being judged. Judgmental people are people in pain. If you can learn not to be defensive when someone exposes your character defects or attacks your performance, you may have an opportunity to turn the situation around and minister to that person.

LEADER: Can criticism also be encouragement?

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #26

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

“He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help.”

Abraham Lincoln 16^TH US President

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #27

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started.”

Henry Ward Beecher 1813-1887, American Preacher/Author

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #28

http://www.quoteworld.org/browse.php?thetext=critic,praise

"Many men know how to flatter, few men know how to praise."
Greek Proverb

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #29

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Critics_And_Criticism

“The rule in carving holds good as to criticism; never cut with a knife what you can cut with a spoon.”

Charles Buxton 1823-1871, British Author

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #30

http://www.quoteworld.org/browse.php?thetext=critic,praise

"Those who are lifting the world upward and onward are those who encourage more than criticize."
Elizabeth Harrison, Author

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #31

http://www.quoteworld.org/browse.php?thetext=critic,praise

"Children need models more than they need critics."
Joseph Joubert (1754-1824)

LEADER: There is a time to critique. Let’s look at ways to effectively achieve our goal in a Christ-like manner:

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #32

http://www.quoteworld.org/browse.php?thetext=critic,praise

"I will not criticize another until I have walked a mile in his moccasins."
Native American Proverb

HAVE SOMEONE READ: “Rare Management Skill”

Bits & Pieces, August 22, 1991.

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=critici

One of the rarest management skills -- and one of the most difficult to learn -- is how to criticize constructively. Constructive criticism shows consideration for other people's feelings and invites their suggestions and cooperation. When you can't figure out how to criticize something constructively, the wisest course is to keep your mouth shut until you do. Criticism that starts out by attacking people and putting them in the position of having to defend themselves often turns small problems into big ones. Usually the best way to start is with simple, friendly questions, queries that will give people a chance to explain their position without being offended and without getting excited. Then, after you've listened carefully, suggest the changes you'd like them to make -- whatever they are -- and see what they think of them.

Don't push for an immediate decision if it isn't necessary, or if there is still substantial disagreement. Ask them to think it over. Tell them you will too. Later, if you still believe in the changes you want to make, get together with them again. Explain that you've thought it over carefully and still believe the idea is worth a try. Tell them you feel an obligation to give it a fair chance, and you're counting on them to do the same.

One other important point; when you have to criticize or question someone's actions or ideas, always to it to his or her face. Discuss it with the person involved. Don't let him or her hear your criticism secondhand.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #33

http://www.quoteworld.org/browse.php?thetext=critic,praise

"Praise in public; criticize in private."
Vincent Thomas "Vince" Lombardi (1913-70), Green Bay Packers coach

HAVE SOMEONE READ: “Constructive Critisicm”

Rohrer, Hibler and Replogle, in Homemade, September 1988.

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

Constructive criticism is an invaluable source of information for those who accept it. Quite often we spend more time justifying, excusing or rationalizing an error, than in trying to understand and benefit from criticism. When we are non-defensive we become aware that constructive criticism is a real compliment to us. The person offering it is usually uncomfortable in doing so, but if he is willing to endure the discomfort in order to help us, we should listen and appreciate his suggestions. He runs the risk of arousing our enmity, but he cares enough for our welfare to take this chance.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: “Plus Plus Minus”

Eric M. Bienstock in Homemade, November 1985

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

PPM is a technique for discussing or criticizing ideas. The basic rule: You must state two plus points before you can state a minus. This counteracts negativism by forcing you to focus on the positive side on an idea first. In group situations, PPM encourages shy people to offer their ideas without being afraid of a barrage of criticism.

LEADER: That’s like the “sandwich method”:

If you have to say something that will be received as a negative, sandwich is between two positives…two praises in truth and love.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #34

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Compliments

“Everybody likes a compliment.”

Abraham Lincoln Sixteenth President of the USA

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #35

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Complime

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

Mark Twain 1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

HAVE SOMEONE READ: “Silent critique”

Bits & Pieces, January 9, 1992, p. 23

http://www.christianglobe.com/Illustrations/theDetails.asp?whichOne=c&whichFile=criticism

Grace Coolidge, the wife of President Calvin Coolidge, tried to surprise her husband by having his portrait painted. When it was finished, she hung it in the library of the White House. Later the same morning the President happened to walk into the library accompanied by a senator. They stared at the picture together in silence. Finally Coolidge commented quietly: "I think so, too."

LEADER: Did your mama used to tell you, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Much of this is true. If you only come to criticize, it is best to consider the advice we’ve heard today.

If you come with constructive criticism, both parties will gain from the experience if it is presented in love and with tact.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: Proverbs 31:26

She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #36

http://www.cybernation.com/victory/quotations/subjects/quotes_tactandtactfulness.html

“A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.”

Benjamin Franklin 1706 – 1790 American Statesman and Inventor

HAVE SOMEONE READ: Proverbs 16:24

Pleasant words are as honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

LEADER: If something needs to be said let us consider our words.

Speak as we would like to be spoken to.

Is that not the “Golden Rule”?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.?

Speaking with love and tact.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #37

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Tact_And_Tactfulness&id=4

“Silence is not always tact, but it is tact that is golden, not silence..”

Samuel Butler 1612-1680, British Poet, Satirist

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #38

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Tact_And_Tactfulness&id=4

“Without tact you can learn nothing. Tact teaches you when to be silent. Inquirers who are always questioning never learn anything.”

Benjamin Disraeli 1804-1881, British Prime Minister

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #39

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Tact_And_Tactfulness&id=4

“Tact is one of the first mental virtues, the absence of it is fatal to the best talent.”

William Gilmore Simms 1806-1870, American Author

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #40

http://www.cybernation.com/victory/quotations/subjects/quotes_tactandtactfulness.html

The secret of man's success resides in his insight into the mood's of people, and his tact in dealing with them.

Josiah Gilbert Holland 1819-1881 Poet/Author

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #41

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Tact_And_Tactfulness&id=4

“Tact is intelligence of the heart.”

Source Unknown

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #42

http://www.entwagon.com/cgi-bin/quotes/quotes.pl?cat=Tact_And_Tactfulness&id=4

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.

Howard W. Newton Author

HAVE SOMEONE READ: Psalm 141:3

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.

LEADER: If we pray for discernment, guarded lips, love for our fellow man, God’s will and His glory in all things. We will have the Holy Spirit in the middle of our conversations.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: Proverbs 12:14

A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his words, And the deeds of a man’s hands will return to him.

LEADER: “The Secret of Producing Spiritual Fruit” By Wil Pounds

http://www.abideinchrist.com/messages/phil1v9.html CONT:

Love is one of the essential moral attributes of God. When we were born again we received a new nature, the very nature of God. If love is not there, the Lord is not there. When God takes up His residence in the believer, the Holy Spirit immediately plants the seed of divine love.

This kind of love does not come naturally; it is produced in the heart of the yielded believer by the work of the Holy Spirit. The "love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us" (Romans 5:5).

HAVE SOMEONE READ: “The Secret of Producing Spiritual Fruit”

http://www.abideinchrist.com/messages/phil1v9.html By Wil Pounds EXCERPTS

"Discernment" is a "sensitive moral perception and a quickness of ethical tact," says Wuest. It helps us do the right thing at the right time. It guards our well-meaning actions and words from ill timing and lack of tact. Have you ever been a raging bull with good intentions in a china shop? We need judgment to do the right thing or say the right word at the right time. Such a manner of life demands that we abide in Christ in close intimate knowledge of Him.

HAVE SOMEONE READ: Philippians 1:10

". . . so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ"

LEADER: “The Secret of Producing Spiritual Fruit” By Wil Pounds

http://www.abideinchrist.com/messages/phil1v9.html CONT:

The meaning of the word "sincere" (eilikrines) comes from the pottery shops of the first century. It is the fine china that is able to stand the test in the sunshine without any cracks or flaws that have been covered up with pearly white wax. The two Latin words from which we get the English word "sincere" means "without wax." Sine meaning (without) and cera (wax) give us the meaning without wax. The potters would trick the customers by filling in cracks with pearly white wax. Inside the dark shops the customers couldn't see the wax in the cracks. They would go outside the shop and hold up the plate before the sun and the discerning eye would immediately see if there was a dark seam indicating wax filling in the cracks. To be sincere is to be without any tricks of the trade designed to deceive the eye. The honest dealers would describe a perfect piece of porcelain with the words sine cera (without wax). The true Christian is not afraid to stand in the light or presence of Christ. The flaws in the lives of believers should not be covered up. We must be sincere, honest and transparent before the world. People are watching to see if Christ makes a difference in our lives. Are we sincere believers? Are we the opposite of hypocrites? What if God would drag our thoughts and attitudes out into public light? To be sincere was to be "sun-tested." Have you been Son-tested?

LEADER: We should be sincere in our love and attitude toward others.

LEADER: “The Secret of Producing Spiritual Fruit” By Wil Pounds

http://www.abideinchrist.com/messages/phil1v9.html CONT:

There is a day coming when we will stand before the keen discerning pure eyes of the LORD God. Our Christian character should be able to stand in the light of Christ. Hypocrisy will not allow the sincere love of Christ to flow through our lives. No matter how flawed the vessel God's love will flow through an honest sincere believer. God uses cracked pots for His glory (2 Corinthians 4:7).

HAVE SOMEONE READ: QUOTE #43

http://www.quoteworld.org/browse.php?thetext=critic,praise

"Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others."
H. Jackson Brown, New York best selling author

LEADER: Philippians 1:6

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

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“David Simmons”

Proverbs 12:18

Colossians 3:8

“Negative Programming”

“Comments Survey”

QUOTE #1

“One of the basic causes for all the trouble in the world today is that people talk too much and think too little. They act impulsively without thinking. I always try to think before I talk.”

Margaret Chase Smith 1897-1995

1^st woman elected to both House of Representatives and Senate

QUOTE # 2

QUOTE #3

“It is much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. “

Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881), Great Britain Prime Minister

QUOTE #4

“When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart.” Helen Rowland 1875-1950, American Journalist

QUOTE #5

“If you burn your neighbor’s house down, it doesn't make your house look any better.”

Lou Holtz 1937-, American Football Coach

QUOTE #6

“You can't hold a man down without staying down with him. “

Booker T. Washington 1856-1915 Slave to Educator

QUOTE #7

Brilliant people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people. Source Unknown

QUOTE #8

“Blame is safer than praise.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803-1882, American Poet

QUOTE #9

“A sneer is the weapon of the weak.”

James Russell Lowell 1819-1891, American Poet, Critic, Editor

QUOTE #10

“In judging others, folks will work overtime for no pay.”

Charles Edwin Carruthers, Author

QUOTE #11

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain -- and most fools do."
Benjamin Franklin (1706-90)

QUOTE #12

QUOTE #13

“Having a sharp tongue will cut your throat”

Source Unkown

“3 Questions”

QUOTE #14

“Criticism of others is futile and if you indulge in it often you should be warned that it can be fatal to your career.”

Dale Carnegie1888-1955, American Author, Trainer

QUOTE #15

Lord Alfred Tennyson 1809-1892, British Poet

QUOTE #16

“The best criticism doesn't trap an employee or child in a dead end. It gives them an escape route.”

Source Unknown

QUOTE #17

“One ought to examine himself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others.”

Molière 1622-1673, French Playwright

Luke 6:41-42

QUOTE #18

W. Wiersbe Well known international Bible conference leader

QUOTE #19

“Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.”

Chinese Proverb

QUOTE #20

“If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them.”

Mahandas K. Gandhi 1869-1948 Peacemaker of India

James 1:19

QUOTE #21

Calvin Coolidge 1872-1933, Thirtieth President of the USA

QUOTE #22

Abraham Lincoln 1809-1865, Sixteenth President of the USA

QUOTE #23

“Let the man who says it cannot be done not disturb the man doing it.”

Chinese Proverb

QUOTE #24

“As much as we thirst for approval we dread condemnation.”

Hans Selye 1907-1982, Canadian Physician, Stress Researcher

QUOTE #25

“Honest criticism is hard to take, especially from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.”

Franklin P. Jones 1817-1929 Author

“If There is Truth”

When we are criticized, let's accept what is true and act upon it, thereby becoming a stronger person. He who profits from rebuke is wise. (H.G.B.)

“Why You Shouldn’t Be Defensive”

QUOTE #26

“He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help.”

Abraham Lincoln 16^TH US President

QUOTE #27

“We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started.”

Henry Ward Beecher 1813-1887, American Preacher/Author

QUOTE #28

"Many men know how to flatter, few men know how to praise."
Greek Proverb

QUOTE #29

“The rule in carving holds good as to criticism; never cut with a knife what you can cut with a spoon.”

Charles Buxton 1823-1871, British Author

QUOTE #30

"Those who are lifting the world upward and onward are those who encourage more than criticize."
Elizabeth Harrison, Author

QUOTE #31

"Children need models more than they need critics."
Joseph Joubert (1754-1824)

QUOTE #32

"I will not criticize another until I have walked a mile in his moccasins."
Native American Proverb

“Rare Management Skill”

QUOTE #33

"Praise in public; criticize in private."
Vincent Thomas "Vince" Lombardi (1913-70), Green Bay Packers coach

“Constructive Criticism”

“Plus Plus Minus”

QUOTE #34

“Everybody likes a compliment.”

Abraham Lincoln Sixteenth President of the USA

QUOTE #35

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

Mark Twain 1835-1910, American Humorist, Writer

“Silent critique”

Proverbs 31:26

QUOTE #36

“A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.”

Benjamin Franklin 1706 – 1790 American Statesman and Inventor

Proverbs 16:24

QUOTE #37

“Silence is not always tact, but it is tact that is golden, not silence..”

Samuel Butler 1612-1680, British Poet, Satirist

QUOTE #38

“Without tact you can learn nothing. Tact teaches you when to be silent. Inquirers who are always questioning never learn anything.”

Benjamin Disraeli 1804-1881, British Prime Minister

QUOTE #39

“Tact is one of the first mental virtues, the absence of it is fatal to the best talent.”

William Gilmore Simms 1806-1870, American Author

QUOTE #40

The secret of man's success resides in his insight into the mood's of people, and his tact in dealing with them.

Josiah Gilbert Holland 1819-1881 Poet/Author

QUOTE #41

“Tact is intelligence of the heart.”

Source Unknown

QUOTE #42

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.

Howard W. Newton Author

Psalm 141:3

Proverbs 12:14

“The Secret of Producing Spiritual Fruit”

Philippians 1:10

QUOTE #43

"Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others."
H. Jackson Brown, New York best selling author